


Shadows

by mountainofschist



Series: Lost and Found [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: AU where Molly didn't die on the Glory Run Road, Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence, raise dead side effects
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-10-12 15:32:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17470226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountainofschist/pseuds/mountainofschist
Summary: Beau might have been brought back from the dead, but not all of her returned.





	1. Chapter 1

           Beau sucked in a breath and sat straight up as adrenaline coursed through her veins. She heard a familiar squeal and felt Jester tackle her into a hug. Beau looked around, trying and failing to gain her bearings. “W-where are we?”

“Zadash.” Molly said from a few feet away.

“W...wha… how?” Beau shook her head, trying to clear the fog from it. _Pull yourself together Beauregard._ “How much did it cost?”

“Beau…” Jester started before being cut off by Beau.

“How. Much.”

Jester clenched her jaw and nodded. “600 gold.”

Beau closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. “Fuck guys. I’m not worth that much!”

“You’re worth everything to Yasha.” Molly said from behind Jester.

Beau shrank in on herself at the mention of her girlfriend. “Where is Yasha?”

“She ran out when we thought the resurrection failed.” Molly said while crossing his arms and sitting down on a nearby bench.

Beau looked up and a smile cracked across her battered face as Caleb led a rain soaked Yasha back into the shrine. “You didn’t really think that I’d leave you, right?” She let out a startled squeak as Yasha rushed her and pulled her into a kiss, squeezing her a little too tight and sending a jolt of pain up her spine. Yasha rested her forehead against Beau’s for a second.

“My gods I thought that I had lost you.”

Beau’s heart skipped a beat as a distant memory flashed through her head but she pushed it away just as quickly as it had surfaced. “Never.”

 

           Beau smiled as the group walked into the Leaky Tap and she was greeted by Lauren.

“Guard your daughters and guard your wives. Beau is back ladies and gentlemen.”

Beau walked over to her favorite booth and sank down into it. “Lauren, my friend. I plan on getting fucked up tonight so give me our hardest shit.”

Lauren walked over with a green tinted bottle and several shot glasses. “Enjoy, boss.”

Beau nodded and proceeded to slam down three shots in a row. She stopped when Molly put his hand on her arm.

“Slow down a little and pour me three.”

Beau smiled at Molly, poured him three shots and by the end of the night they had drained the whole bottle and more.

 

           Beau stumbled up the stairs and into the bedroom that she shared with Yasha before flopping onto the bed and wincing as her stiff body sunk into the warm furs. She smiled when the bed shifted with Yasha’s weight as she sat down next to Beau. Beau closed her eyes and hummed as Yasha started tracing the lines of her back.

“How are you feeling? I could have Jester come in here and heal you before bed if you’re feeling really bad.”

Beau shook her head and mumbled into the pillow. “No, I think I just want to sleep it off.” Beau readjusted as Yasha’s weight left the bed and she slowly drifted off to sleep. Beau was asleep for what felt like seconds before Yasha lifted her out of bed and carried her to the bath, setting Beau down in the lavender scented water and slowly peeling her blood and now water soaked robes off. Beau let her head fall back and closed her eyes as Yasha’s calloused but gentle hands scrubbed her body clean and massaged out the various knots in her muscles.

“I love you.” Yasha suddenly blurted out, taking Beau by surprise.

Beau opened her eyes and they immediately focused Yasha’s face. She sat up and wiped away the tears slowly falling down her face. “I… I love you too.”

Yasha smiled and lifted Beau out of the bath and carried her back to the bedroom, setting her down in a chair. Beau huffed and took the towel offered to her. “You do know that I can walk?”

Yasha nodded and sat down on their bed. “I know you can… I just…”

Beau got up as Yasha struggled to find the words and sat in her lap, pulling her into a soft kiss. “It’s okay. Let’s just go to bed.”

Yasha nodded and settled down in bed before pulling Beau into her front, wrapping a protective arm across her stomach.

 

           Beau let out a heavy breath as she fell asleep in Yasha’s arms and she opened them again as heavy drops of water started to fall against her body. Beau sleepily wiped the rain off her face and tried to fall back asleep, but quickly gave up with a huff as the occational drips turned into an almost constant barrage. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, pausing as they focused on the grassy field surrounding her, she instinctively reached for her goggles but stopped when her fingers touched hair instead of their frame. She spun in a circle, desperately trying to get her bearings and stopped as a flash of lightning illuminated a shadowy figure several feet away. A booming voice sounded in her ear and goosebumps erupted over Beau’s body.

“Find her.”

Beau looked around for the voice and her eyes settled on the figure at the edge of her vision. Beau started to jog towards them, but for every step she would take, the figure seemed to take one also. Beau broke into a sprint but eventually came to a stop as the field slowly turned to rock. The voice returned, causing more goosebumps to form.

“Find her.”

  
Beau gritted her teeth and pushed ahead, fighting against gale force winds every step. She jumped as lightning flashed again, illuminating a vast mountain chain with a town nestled at it’s base that was achingly familiar to Beau.

“Kamordah.” She whispered as she looked down at the place she hadn’t seen in years. Beau stepped forward and stumbled as the sturdy rock transformed into soft swamplands. She looked around, squinting through the rain.

“Is anyone else here?”

Beau jumped as the voice repeated once again, “Find her.” And the figure showed up in the brief glow of lightning.

Beau waded through the swamp, wincing as her foot landed on the edge of sunken stump causing her to roll her ankle. She slowly tested her ankle and resumed her pursuit, being more careful this time around. She looked around desperately trying to find the figure before slamming her fist into a tree and screaming at the sky.

“Do you know how fucking hard it is to find a shadow person out here? It's all fucking shadow you dick!”

Beau shivered as her hair stood on end and before she could register anything she thrown back as a lightning strike exploded next to her. She groaned and sat up, the lower half of her body submerged in disgusting stagnant swamp water. She scrambled up as the next flash lit up the figure standing on a patch of raised earth. She stumbled a bit as she pushed her way through the swamp and eventually onto the patch of more solid earth where she could see the figure standing in the center of the clearing. Beau walked closer and turned the figure around, screaming as the shadows faded to reveal a skeletal figure.

 

Yasha was jolted awake as Beau sat up with a scream. She started to put her hand on Beau’s shoulder but pulled away just before they touched. “What did you see?”

Beau shook her head, slowly coming back to the present. She opened her mouth to respond but closed it again as Jester barged into the room. “Beau! Are you okay? I heard you scream!”

Beau pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. “Yeah, I just had a nightmare.”

Jester stepped closer, uncertainty twisting her face. “Is there anything we can do?”

Beau shook her head and laid back down, curling into a ball and pulling the blanket up to her face. “No, I think I just need more sleep.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Yasha kissed her forehead and followed Jester out of the room. She shut the door behind them and turned back to the cleric. “In the earlier months did she have nightmares like that when I wasn’t here?”

Jester shrugged. “If she did I never noticed them, but I was also dealing with my own stuff then so I might have just missed them.” She trailed off deep in thought. “Maybe they’re a side effect of her resurrection? I’ve read about it taking toles on people’s bodies. We might just need to give her time.”

Yasha nodded while looking down at her feet. “If I had just been there for her…” Jester cut her off by bringing her into a tight hug.

“You can’t change the past, but you can be there for her in the future.”

Yasha hugged Jester back and then walked into her and Beau’s bedroom. She sat down in the bed and watched Beau’s face as she slept, running her thumb over Beau’s cheek as her face twisted into a look of horror for a second before relaxing and falling back into a deep sleep.

 

           “The fuck?” Beau shouted as she woke up in the shadowy field for the second time that night.

She jumped as lightning cracked and the voice boomed.

“Find her.”

She clenched her fists and started up at the clouds. “Who are you! Why am I here and who do I need to find!”

“Find her.” The voice replied as lightning cracked above, illuminating the form once again.

“Who is she!” Beau shouted, not moving from the spot she appeared in. “Where-” Beau was cut off as the next bolt of lightning struck less than a foot away from her. She rolled away and stood, nerves on edge. “The fuck is with you and almost hitting me with lightning!”

“Find her.”

Beau flipped off the sky and walked towards the figure at the edge of her vision. She took her time as she walked through her dream, trying her best to memorize what little landmarks she passed on her journey. She stopped as she reached the clearing and studied the figure, but the shadows weaving around it prevented her from telling any details. Beau took a deep breath and stepped into the clearing, inching closer to the figure, preparing herself for the end of the dream. She reached out for the figure and woke up in the Leaky Tap covered in a cold sweat.

Beau slowly got out of bed and dressed, careful not to wake Yasha up. She left a quick note before grabbing her staff and walking out of the Leaky Tap. She made her way through            the early morning traffic towards the Pentamarket and b-lined for a small shop with a sign reading “The Blooming Grove”. She pushed the door open and smiled as the smell of dried herbs and leaves wafted out. A curtain at the back wall parted and Caduceus walked out carrying two teapots. He stopped and looked Beau over before setting the teapots on a nearby table and walking over her.

“You look terrible, what happened?”

Beau crossed her arms, trying to hide the angry wound on her stomach, “Good morning to you too." She softened her resolve slightly and dropped her arms. "We, uh, stumbled across a Chimera on our way back to Zadash. It was the end of a stressful day and we were all tapped. I was laying down in the grass at the edge of the clearing and it came out of nowhere, I didn’t even have time to react before…”

Caduceus stopped her with a gentle hand to her back. “You should take a seat while I start brewing some tea.”

Beau sank into a nearby chair and sighed as Caduceus started humming while brewing the tea. She gratefully accepted the cup from him and relished the warmth seeping from the cup into her cold and stiff hands.

“Thanks, Cad.”

  
He hummed in response as he sipped from his cup. “You can keep talking if you want, but I’m fine with enjoying our tea in silence.”

Beau nodded and took a sip from her cup, cocking her head at the unfamiliar taste.

“It's a new combination I’ve been working on, it’s supposed to help with anxiety and relaxation. I thought you might need some help in that area.”

Beau took another sip, “Thanks again.”

He gave her his trademarked crooked smile. “It’s really no problem, I do it every day.” He said while gesturing to the shop.

Beau smiled  and laughed for the first time in what felt like ages, but the lighthearted mood quickly soured as Beau set her empty cup on the table. “This time yesterday I was dead.”

Caduceus leaned back, took a deep breath and nodded. “I see.”

Beau rubbed her arms. “I had always thought that right after you died the Raven Queen’s Champion came for you, but I was just out there floating. There was no light and no warmth but at the same time I was burning. I felt nothing and everything at the same time and it fucked with my head. And then last night I kept dreaming about chasing after a person made of shadow. It was storming and I could only see it when lightning would flash. It took me back to Kamordah and I think the Labenda Swamp. I couldn’t make out much, it was so dark and cold. But the one thing I could make out was at the end I would catch up to the person in a clearing and turn them around before waking up. I… I don’t know what it means Cad.”

He gave Beau a thoughtful look and pondered for a moment. “Maybe the next time you dream, try not to follow the obvious path. I’m not familiar with this kind of dream, but I am willing to help you work through this.”

Beau nodded and relaxed into the chair. “Please don’t tell the others for now. They’re already worried and I want to figure out more so that I can give them answers when I tell them.”

He smiled and nodded. “You have my word.”


	2. Chapter 2

I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve updated this story but I was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer and just came home from the hospital yesterday night following my thyroidectomy. There’s still a lot of unknowns and right now I can barely even hold my head up so I can’t tell you when the next chapter is going to be posted. Thank all of you so much for reading my stories and I know this isn’t the end for them, it’s just an unintended break.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys! Feel free to leave any comments or constructive criticism, I love it all. If you like this you should check out my tumblr @mountainofschist


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